


I Thought You Would Know

by oneplumshortofafruitpie



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Smooching, it's really brief angst i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 16:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5011972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneplumshortofafruitpie/pseuds/oneplumshortofafruitpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru looked down at his hands folded in his lap and noted with disdain that they where shaking like leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Thought You Would Know

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was feeling really emotional about these two, and I'm not even a little bit sorry.  
> ((originally published on my FF 3/18/2014 so fear not if you remember reading this, it was me))

Haru looked down at his hands folded in his lap and noted with disdain that they where shaking like leaves. He clenched them harder and closed his eyes tightly.

"Haru-chan…" That was his gentle, doting, I-don't-want-to-hurt-you voice. Haru braced himself. "How could you even think…"

Makoto's voice seemed a little tight. He was too kind for his own good. He couldn't even hurt Haru when he was disgusted by him. For some reason it made Haru's chest hurt even more. Makoto let out a long breath, then suddenly spoke with conviction.

"You look like you think I'm going to hate you. After all we've been through…" Haru's head shot up with wide eyes. "I know Japan isn't so keen on it...but I'm your best friend and I would always be here even if you turned out to be a  _fish_ , like Nagisa insists you are."

Makoto laughed lightly. Then met Haru's eyes and swallowed audibly. Then he suddenly became the one trying to avoid eye contact. Haru let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Um…besides, that would make me a hypocrite." The last word was quieter than the rest, and it took Haru a moment to absorb it. Then he gasped before he could stop himself. Makoto looked up and then gave a gentle smile and rubbed the back of his head. Makoto seemed to collect his anxious thoughts, and spoke up again.

"So, umm...when did  _you_  realize you were...uh...?" Makoto seemed to be trying to break the awkward silence, yet there was a tremble in his voice. Haru blinked a couple times, still processing his friend's confession. When the question registered, his chest tightened and he was avoiding eye contact yet again. Haru turned his head away and almost wished to escape, swimming free out into the ocean where his heartbeat would slow down.

"I knew I wasn't straight because I've been... in love for a long time." Haru practically whispered this, but he knew that he would be heard.

Makoto's eyes widened, then softened.  _I knew it, he loves Rin. He_ loves _Rin._  That's all Makoto could think over and over as he struggled to maintain composure for Haru.

"I guess I should have figured that." Haru looked up to see Makoto's eyes closed in what Haruka realized was a sad smile. _He knows everything about me. Of course he knows it's him. It makes him…sad?_

"Does it…make you uncomfortable?" Haru asked softly, nearly unheard. Makoto's eyes popped open wide.

"No! Still, I will always be your friend and be there for you, if you'll let me." Makoto stared at him with sincere eyes, and Haru watched a hidden emotion flicker through them. A moment passed them in silence. Haru tried to be happy about what Makoto had said, but all the words did was tighten around his heart in a death grip. It made him realize he had been harboring a hope that Makoto would somehow love him back.

"You know…I love someone too." Makoto broke the silence.

Something in Haru cracked. It felt like something akin to a scream or a sob tried to claw it's way from his throat for a choking moment.  _He looks so guilty…he obviously still doesn't want to hurt me. Makoto…why not_ me _? Who could it be? Nagisa? They always have so much fun and he smiles when he's jumping all over him or-_ He stopped his thoughts there. He would lose the small grip on sanity he still had, and he couldn't let Makoto feel guilty.

"Makoto." He reached out and Makoto automatically did the same and they gripped each others' hands.

"It's okay." He says out loud, because he knows Makoto won't look up to read it on his face. "If it's okay with  _you_ , I want you to always be here too."

Makoto's hands and body relaxed a bit but he still wouldn't look up. More silence.

"Makoto…my feelings will  _never_  change... I thought I should tell you." He tried not to let his words shake. Suddenly a façade-which Haru hadn't realized was there-falls from Makoto's face.

That look will forever be burned into Haru's soul. He felt like his heart was torn from his chest at the look of pure agony he could see creasing Makoto's face from under a fringe of olive-brown hair. Makoto's body seemed to tighten around his heart. He suddenly convulsed with an heart-wrenching sob. His hands tightened on Haru's before suddenly retreating.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…Haru...mine either…I'm sorry." Makoto managed to get out in a tight voice. His hand reached up to cover his mouth as his body wracked with silent sobs.

Haru didn't know when his arms had wrapped themselves around his own chest or his face had started producing waterfalls. He had never cried so much. Makoto was always there to make it stop.

But now, there was Makoto reaching out a shaky arm to pull his own quivering body up to stand. He kept repeating "I'm sorry" like he couldn't stop his own mouth from releasing those barely decipherable words in his broken voice. It sounded like he was drowning in the words as he supported himself on the wall and made his way toward Haru's front door unsteadily.

It wasn't until Makoto had turned the corner and Haru couldn't see him anymore that he jolted to his feet like he had suddenly been electrocuted. He stumbled in a way that could only be described as panicked to make his way in front of Makoto to block the door.

"No. No. No. NO." It was broken and twisted by his own sobs, but Makoto heard. Now Haru was the one uncontrollably uttering a word, as he stared at Makoto's grief-stricken face. He looked broken. It made Haru more panicked.

"Haru…" Makoto struggled to speak, fighting for any semblance of composure. "I can't, Haru. I can't."

He gently-still gentle, always gentle-pushed past Haru toward the door. Haru whipped around after him and snatched Makoto's arm without his brain's consent. He started saying "no" again. Makoto's head hit the door as he leaned on it to support his large trembling frame.

"Haru…I didn't mean…didn't want to make you feel this way…" he took in a deep shaky breath. "I meant it when I said I will always stay by you, because I will always be in love with you… But, I just can't do it right now."

Makoto seemed to have used up all his energy getting those words out, and slid down the door frame to the floor. He doesn't seem to notice Haru's nails digging into his arm. Haru's eyes are wide as his knees give out too. When he lets go of the arm in his grip, he notices the crescents of blood and leans in to kiss the wounds with quivering lips. Makoto snaps his arm back as if shocked.

"I'm sorry." Haru says, in a barely audible whisper. He doesn't think he's apologizing for the blood. "I thought you would know. You always know."

Makoto sobbed once with his face still pressed to the door. Haru grabbed Makoto's face suddenly and turned it toward him. His eyes were clenched shut.

"Look at me!" It came out sounding like a plea. Makoto's eyes slowly open and look into Haru's. Haru looks at him intently.  _I shouldn't have to say it. You should see. You should know. How can you know me so well until it comes to yourself?_  Makoto blinks once and his eyes slowly widen.

_I love you. I LOVE YOU. Makoto, only you. Makoto…_

"Haru?" A weak whisper. Makoto's bright green eyes are still wide, and brimming with a new kind of tears. His hands reach up to cover the hands still on his face.

"Haru-chan…"He closes his eyes and squeezes the hands tightly, then pulls them to his chest. " _Haruka_."

When Makoto looked up, Haru thought he could read the emotion in his eyes fully now, in the way it seems the other can always do. Almost always. Tan fingers softly brushed away tears on pale cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." Makoto says, and Haru knows that now he says it for not being able to see what Haru was trying to tell him. He hadn't seen something that was always there.

"Stop." Haru's hands grip the shirt where they still rest on Makoto's chest, clasped in one of Makoto's own.  _Don't be sorry. You are perfect. You are mine._  His eyes widened as he got embarrassed by his own thoughts.

_Is he really mine?_

"My Makoto." He says to reassure himself, staring at their hands. Makoto's eyebrows raise in surprise and he smiles that gentle smile that he only gives to him.  _It_ was _always that loving, wasn't it?_  Makoto pulls him into his lap and embraces him tightly.

"Say it again." Haru blurts out. Makoto isn't confused, instead he laughs lightly. Haruka loves the way it feels rumbling against him and softly ruffling the hair near his ear.

"I love you." Haru loves how  _that_  feels whispered in his ear even more.

Haru wraps his arms around Makoto's neck and weaves his fingers through soft locks of hair and clenches tightly. He doesn't think he'll be letting go anytime soon. He feels strong arms pull him closer to a broad warm chest. He nuzzles his face more into Makoto's neck. He always loved Makoto's smell.

"You smell good too, Haru-chan." He can feel his face heat up, and he's sure Makoto can too, as it's pressed against his skin.

"Why is it that  _now_  you know what I'm thinking?" Haru mumbles embarrassedly. He feels hands clench against his back then pull them face to face, pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry." Guilt laced Makoto's voice.

"I said stop." Haru stands abruptly and stares down at him with a straight face.

"Haru?" Wide green eyes look up at him. Haru feels a tingle go up his spine. He turns around and leisurely begins walking away.

"Haru! Wait, I'm sorry!" Haru stops on his heels only to have Makoto, who was chasing after him, run into his back. Haru felt another tingle. Haruka turns his head to glare at Makoto.  _Quit apologizing already._ Makoto's eyebrows jumped up.

"Oh! Sorry Har-" He slaps a hand over his mouth. Haru rolls his eyes and starts stalking away again.

"Haru! I'll stop! I'm sorr- _damn it!_ " Haru hears Makoto's quick footsteps. His wrist is grabbed and he's turned to face the man leaning in toward him, searching for forgiveness in Haru's eyes.

"It's okay, Makoto. It's one of the reasons I love you."

Makoto's eyes are wide again and his mouth is slightly agape.

_Oh, that's right, I hadn't said that aloud yet had I?_ Haru thought to himself.

"Haru…" Makoto reached up to brush his fingers along Haru's cheek and then rest his palm there. Haru leaned into the hand and they stayed like that for a moment.

"'Say it again.'" Makoto says teasingly, grinning. Haru doesn't care if it's a joke, he doesn't want Makoto to be confused about it ever again.

"I love you." He says firmly. Makoto almost looks stricken. His face melts into a soft smile and his brows pulled together with emotion, water brimming his eyes again. He grabs Haru's face with both of his large, soft hands and breathes out " _Haru"_ before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips softly. It lingers for a beautiful moment before Makoto pulls back quickly and drops his hands as if he just realized what he did.

"Ah! I guess I got caught up in the moment…" Makoto guiltily rubbed the back of his head. His bicep flexed under tan skin and Haru's eye twitched.

He huffed and yanked Makoto's face toward his own and kissed him firmly. It seemed like he got the message because he wrapped his arms around Haru's waist and pulled him close. He fit perfectly against Makoto's tall, muscular frame. He felt safe there, and yet somehow stronger. Makoto's body was lending him power, just like his eyes, or words, or actions did every day.

He started to kiss him more passionately and jumped up to wrap his legs around Makoto's waist before he realized what he was doing. Makoto grabbed his thighs and hot sparks shot through his body. Makoto walked them over and sat on the edge of Haru's bed.  _Was I leading us to my bedroom?_ Haru thought briefly, before being distracted by Makoto's tongue.

Before he completely lost his train of thought, he hopped off Makoto's lap-which left him blinking in a confused daze for a moment-to position himself in the center of his bed with his head against his pillow. He looked at Makoto expectantly.

Makoto's eyes glazed over with lust as he stared. Haru bit his lip to hold back what probably would've been a whimper. He didn't know he could pick a favorite expression of Makoto's.

Green eyes suddenly snapped shut and a head of soft waves shook from side to side quickly, trying to snap out of it.

"Haru, wait. Honestly, I might lose myself if we do this much longer…If you keep looking at me like that…gah!" He slapped his hands to his face and seemed to be taking deep breaths.

"Makoto." A sparkling eye finally peeked through long fingers. His hands dropped from his face at what he saw in Haru's eyes.

****

"Mako-chan, Haru-chan, you guys have always touched each other way more than necessary and staaaaared into each other's eyes in a way that makes everyone else feel uncomfortable, but  _this_  is ridiculous! What aren't you telling us?"

"N-n-n-nagisa-kun!"

"What, Rei-chan? Look at them!"


End file.
